Monday, February 10, 2014
I can pinpoint a time in my life that I was completely happy with where I was - spring/summer of 2012. I was on a streak of racing personal bests, I had been hired part-time permanent at my job (which I believed put me on the fast track to being able to move up), my weight was at the lowest it had been in my adult life, hubby and I had all sorts of fun plans for the summer, and we went to Las Vegas with friends that summer.
I've thought about that summer and why I was happy. It seemed as if everything was going my way and yes, in a way it was, but it was because I believed I could do anything. Race PR after race PR made me think I would PR on my next race. Going from volunteer to full-time contract, to part-time permanent in a job that I was excited about made me believe that my career was on the right track. I was completely on track with my eating and working out and was 12 pounds from my goal weight. My summer was chock full of fun stuff and we went on a great vacation with friends!
Then it slipped away. I don't know why. I came back from vacation and couldn't get out of my "I'm on vacation and can eat anything I want" mode. I got injured in September (shin splints) and had a bad training for the Atlantic City Half Marathon in October. As I worked in my position it was becoming clear that what I thought was the perfect move in terms of job might not have been (and it is now been confirmed).
Now? I don't have that same confidence in myself. I've gained 35 pounds since then. My races have been awful honestly. I'm unhappy with my job (though I still really like my co-workers! They are the reason I'm not worse off in my work thoughts.).
We've gotta work on what we believe about ourselves if we are going to be happy. We have to know we deserve being happy and worth doing the things that make us happy. It's not an easy thing to wrap the brain around or allow ourselves to do. We are taught to think of others first and their needs (at least women are). It's not wrong to think of yourself. In order to be true to others, you have to be true to yourself - meaning believe you are worth the effort to be happy.
This week I am going to work on defining all the things that make me happy and find a way to incorporate them into my life more often. When you believe you are worth the the investment, then happiness will follow.
What do you believe you are worth? Do you believe you are worth the investment? Do you believe you deserve to be happy?