What am I doing?

 





On my way to the spin class I took on Tuesday night I was thinking. Mostly I was thinking about how freaked out I was. I'm by nature an introvert and doing something like taking a class by myself kinda scares the living daylights out of me. Initially, hubby was going to take the class with me, but the class started when he got off work so he couldn't make it. So, I had to go solo.

Anyway, in them midst of being freaked out I also thought, "why do I keep eating crap and wasting all the work I'm doing at the gym?" Then I kinda freaked out again because...well...I just trashed myself in my own head. I thought about how I've been doing all these workout challenges - 100 Days Challenge, 15 gym visits in 30 days, 13 in 2013 - and what does all that do me if I'm still eating junk?

For as much as I'm not a huge fan of exercise, never have been, I can always do one or the other really well, exercise or eat. But, that one little throw away thought (or as throw away as I thought it would be) has really got me thinking. Do I really want to put in 1-3 hours of exercise several days a week and then lose all the benefits by eating junk? Do I want to stay the way I am? Or would I rather think about my eating habits? Think before I put something in my mouth? Make better choices about what I eat?

And what I've come up with is, I want to eat better. I know I've said this in many different forms for years, but Tuesday night almost seems like my subconscious trying to make me see what I'm doing. Trying to get me to recognize I can't keep doing what I'm doing and expect different results. I keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting to lose weight, to run faster, to be in better shape.

So, here's to more conscious decisions in my meals. I guess if I don't, the brain may throw more little thoughts my way I may not like to hear!

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A Mental Break Through

Had a good day. Wednesday's are usually boring in the scheme of things. Middle of the week. No plans. But, I had a mental break through and that was a real eye-opener.

But first, had a good day food wise. On plan, though could have used more veggies and additional water, but I was on plan for the day. I had a yummy bagel with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Spray and some coffee for breakfast. Lunch was the delicious apples with cheese. I was still a tad full from breakfast, so the apple with cheese was my whole lunch. Dinner was leftover chili. I doctored it up a bit with peppers and additional chili seasoning. With a tad bit of cheese it was really good. Also made garlic deli flats that was tasty with the chili. And since I was so low on points, a serving of Late Night Taco Doritoes. So yummy! Dessert was dried cherries and my Eggnoggin Tea with soy milk. Love my Eggnoggin tea!

So, the big mental break through. I hate women's jeans. With a passion. They have this spandex thing going on that just drives me bonkers. I have a tummy issue and the spandex in women's jeans just accentuates it. So, I have been on the look out for jeans WITHOUT the stupid spandex. Now I know lots of people who like the spandex in the jeans, but me? No. Ugh. So, I went to Kohl's on a hint from a friend that she gets her jeans there and loves them. I think I checked EVERY pair of jeans in the women's and junior's section in the store. Every one of them had spandex in them. Most of them just had 1%, but that was 1% more than I wanted. I was so freaking frustrated! So, I finally gave up. I went to the men's section and started looking at their tags to see if they had 100% cotton and they did! 100% cotton jeans! Now, I have NO clue what size to get. I knew length because hubby and I are about the same height, so I knew to aim for a 30 in length, but NO clue what to do for waist. So, I grabbed a 42, 40, and 38 and off I went to the dressing room (women's side, though that walk was a pain when a men's dressing room was literally around the corner from where the jeans were) to try them on. I decided to start at the biggest thinking if they fit, I wouldn't feel bad about having to try on bigger sizes. On went the 42s and wow. They were HUGE! I was floored. I really thought that would be the size I need. I immediately thought of the What Not to Wear episode where Stacy and Clinton make the girl draw what she thinks she looks like, then she stands up against her drawing and they trace what she actually looks like. She was floored at how much smaller she was compared to what she thought. Well, that was the same feeling I had. I was FLOORED by how BIG those pants were on me. I tried the 38s, but they were too big too. :-) Took those back and grabbed a pair of 32s and 34s. I tried on the 34s and they fit. But, they fit like the jeans I was trying to stop wearing, just a tad tight in the tummy area. So, I went back and picked up two pairs of 36/30 jeans. I'm so freaking excited! I FINALLY found the jeans I like AND it helped me realize I'm not as big as I think I am.

This Wednesday was a great one!