Time to stop kidding myself

I had a great spring running season. I ran in some fun races, ran two half marathons, got to run with the hubby at lots of races, and got to run with friends as well at others. I ran the inaugural Yuengling Lager Jogger, I ran the Dolphin Challenge at Yuengling Marathon weekend for the second time, I ran the Baltimore Women's Classic for the 5th time marking my 5 year running anniversary. The spring was great!

Then I took my two month summer vacation from running. I do not like running in the heat, so I take a break to rest the body then. But, it was a rough off-season. We had to put my baby boy Pooka down due to a blood clot, I was sick for 5 weeks, and I blew off exercise and healthy eating completely for the summer. Then in the middle of Sept. I went to the ortho doc about the pain in my hip and am now in PT to work out what's going on.

And through all this (July on), I have let my emotions run my actions. I have been so down about it all that I stopped going to the gym consistently. I just ate whatever my heart desired. Sure, I ate some healthy stuff but lots of my food has been crap.

And it shows. My weight has ballooned over the past year and a half to the point where I'm just so angry at myself for letting myself get so out of hand. Sure a week or two happens to everyone, but I allowed that to last about 74 weeks. Ugh. It is affecting my opinion of myself and now it's interfering with my workout/running. I went out for a one mile run to prepare for next Saturday's 5k and I was breathing heavy the whole time and the second half of the mile I couldn't run any of the hills. It was awful. I felt like I was starting the running journey all over again from 5 years ago - same running ability and same weight.

What did this run teach me? I've been talking for months about eating healthy and getting back into the gym, but haven't. I say I will, then just don't. Obviously this tactic has been highly effective. So, since a large portion of my identity now revolves around being a runner, I need to start doing the things I need to do to be a good one - eating to support my runs/workout, follow through on my workout plans, and find ways to supplement both to stay flexible and strong.

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Lack of focus

Elizabeth the kitten is out of focus. It's not her fault, it was the photographer's!

Lack of focus. That would best describe my week. It started out well. I had that great sub-60 minute 5 mile run. That was awesome! I had a good training session with my trainer Monday night. Afterwards I signed up for a spin class on Tuesday. I spent the weekend cleaning the house for my cousin to come up this weekend. Things were going along swimmingly.

Tuesday, spin class was canceled because the instructor called out. Fine, but could you tell the people signed up for the class? One of us had to go down to the desk to ask about it. Ugh. I did do a walk/run/walk on the treadmill and 20 minutes on the elliptical before heading home.

Wednesday? Wednesday was awful. That's really where things all went down hill. On my way into work I saw someone's dog get run over and killed by a car. I was there when the owner watched his very tiny brown dog run into the path of the on-coming car. I heard his cries as he realized what happened. It was awful. I'm a huge animal person and to see this has to be one of the most traumatic things I've ever seen. Then when I got into work, my boss told me we need to cut down on the chatter in the public areas so people can concentrate on their research. Basically he means me. I chat with our researchers, explain what's going on, ask how they are, etc. In the past, I've been told this is a good thing. At the staff meeting on Monday (which I did not attend because I only work Wed/Thurs/Fri) it came up that there is too much chatter and we have to stop. There were a couple other little things at work too, which made me an emotional mess.

Thursday was Valentine's Day. I work only half a day, but it was stressful. I had specific instructions from my boss on what to work on, but I couldn't get to it due to patron requests and copying. I'm not sure how he's going to react to that. The evening was lovely though. Hubby and I exchanged presents (roses, yea! Chocolate, our favorite pretzels and a gift card to Amazon), then hit up Pizza Hut for dinner. I know, romantic. :) See, in college neither of us had much money. So, we would go to Pizza Hut, my favorite pizza for dinner on Valentine's Day. Not overly romantic, but since it was my favorite pizza... On years V-Day is during the week, it's where we go for dinner.

And today is now Friday. I have a ton to do before my cuz comes over tomorrow. I have a 10 mile run in the morning. At work, I have to face my boss about not getting what he wanted done yesterday and I have no back-up for paging. Another stressful day. I really need a day to relax and not deal with anything.

Sorry for this post being such a downer. I'm kinda needed to get that out. Hopefully with it all written down and out there in the universe, my body will calm down and I can get back to business.


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