Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Poor week

It's been a really bad week. Food especially, but in other ways too. Sucks. The problem is that when bad things happen, I tend to eat. I tend to not really care what I eat, just that I eat things that make me happy. Mostly sweet, but lately I've been equal-opportunity - sweet, salty, crunchy, soft - doesn't matter. Just food that's not good for me. Food that's quick. And lots of it.

Which of course depresses me. And that of course feeds the cycle. I just want to eat more, because really, I've blown all my hard work at this point, why NOT eat more? It's so frustrating. And I know I am this way. Which you would think would make me more aware of these tendencies and be able to avoid them. Nope. I fall hook, line, and sinker every time.

And I don't know how to turn it around. I need to. I am totally out of control. Which could be part of this. Everything is out of control in my life right now. I'm waiting on so many other things, that the only thing I control is food. And since things aren't going so good in the other aspects of my life, I can eat things I enjoy. Which means, crappy, high-calorie foods. I have the opposite of an eating disorder. I don't control my food by NOT eating, I control it by eating what I like. Ugh.

I wish I could say I'm changing my ways tomorrow, but I can't guarantee that. I swear each morning that I'm going to eat healthy and start fresh. Put the past in the past and soldier on. And at some point, I eat something I shouldn't or more than I should and the gloves are off. I don't know what to do at this point.

All I know is that I need to gain some control over my life...and soon.

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