Finding a trigger

I've been running for more than 5 years now. Running was never anything I thought I could do. When I turned 30, I said I'm going to start. Umm...hubby started, I didn't. It wasn't for another couple years that I decided to go for it. I had the support of a friend who swore up and down that I could if I wanted to. She had faith that I had it in me.

I decided to try. I belonged to a gym that you did 30 second weights/30 second cardio for x amount of time as your workout. I decided I would take those 30 second cadio breaks for running. Sure, at first it was running in place, but I eventually started running around in a circle where the machines were. Then I upped it to a minute cardio/30 second weights. I kept this up until I could run 5-6 minutes straight. Then I took it outside and started running at a local park. Eventually I was able to work my way up to a mile. Woohoo! Who knew? My friend (and my husband!).

For the next 5 years I always had her support in running - I would get texts asking how runs went, comments about when I would race the next distance, advice on training programs, and just overall love and faith that I could do it. It was amazing having someone who shared her passion for running with someone who didn't think they could do it or run the next distance.

But, over the last year/year and a half we've spoken less, texted less, messaged less. I didn't have that support that I had when I started. It's been in the last year/year and a half that I've struggled with my running/working out. I haven't felt motivated to run. I haven't felt motivated to do my workouts. I've been struggling to want to go out there.

This past week I realized why. It's been because I lost my biggest cheerleader. I had someone who always had my back and tried their best to encourage me when I didn't know if I could do something. She was always right, but I was nervous. Without that external support, I foundered. It finally occurred to me that while I like to think I can do anything myself, having that person who loves you enough to help you do something you never thought you could leaves a huge void.

So, to lighten this post (sorry!), I am so happy I figured this out. It is sad. Loosing someone that important in your life is hard, but figuring out that this has been affecting me in such a way is fantastic! I now know that I need that encouragement and can work on finding those who would be open to being mutually supportive. I can't be the only one who needs that. A lost friendship is painful, but I learned a great deal from it.

Now to get on with training...

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